One day last week I had an experience that really underscored the difficulties of living with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder or Multiple Personalities) even without all the memory issues and flashbacks. (We are for the most part past those.) If you haven't read my blog before, I am the main protector of the system, we are female and I am also female though I am NOT girlie. I have some male parts who integrated with me and so I like self defense, martial arts, cars, etc. No sports though.
We were awakened by a very excited eight year old who was hoping it was going to be a snow day. It had snowed all night and there was snow, but school wasn't cancelled so we got our disappointed daughter ready for school and began the trip. We live some distance from the school because the school right near us has a lot of bully issues so we commute our daughter to a better, safer school. On days when the road is messy though this isn't so easy.
I am the one who usually drives, however, just about everyone in the system CAN drive. This doesn't mean it's always a good idea depending on how distracted everyone is and so usually I find myself doing the driving. I like driving, I'm really good at it. I have the best reflexes and I know machines. (I have even flown a plane - just once but still, it was cool.) This day though our daughter was having a bad morning and our main helper wanted to be out to help her talk through some of her issues and then our main wanted to be out to nurture her. They usually make a good combination and I can usually still drive.
The roads were bad though and after our main person got distracted looking at how pretty the snow on the mountains was and we nearly fishtailed into the next lane of traffic, I found myself the only one out. I got us safely to school and I finished talking to our daughter the best I could. As I walked her to the school I had a bad feeling about letting her go, but the other two came out to give her a quick kiss good bye each, and then I stood in the swirling snow and watched her walk into the school feeling as if part of me had been torn out and not understanding why.
I turned around and made my way home. Alone.
Showing posts with label mpd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mpd. Show all posts
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Friday, March 6, 2009
Basic Information on DID from the DSM-IV-TR
Basic Information on DID (from http://members.aol.com/smartnews/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder.htm)
from the DSM-IV-TR (American Psychological Association (2000).
Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (4th ed. text revision).Washington, D. C .) DID is defined in the DSM-IV-TR as the presence of two or more personality states or distinct identities that repeatedly take control of one's behavior. The patient has an inability to recall personal information. The extent of this lack of recall is too great to be explained by normal forgetfulness. The disorder cannot be due to the direct physical effects of a general medical condition or substance. DID entails a failure to integrate certain aspects of memory, consciousness and identity. Patients experience frequent gaps in their memory for their personal history, past and present. Patients with DID report having severe physical and sexual abuse, especially during childhood. There is controversy around these reports, because childhood memories may be exposed to distortion and some patients with DID are highly hypnotizable and vulnerable to suggestive influences. But, the reports of patients with DID are often validated by objective evidence. People that are responsible for acts of sexual and physical abuse may be prone to distorting or denying their behavior. Physical evidence may include variations in physiological functions in different identity states, including differences in vision, levels of pain tolerance, symptoms of asthma, the response of blood glucose to insulin and sensitivity to allergens. Other physical findings may include scars from physical abuse or self-inflicted injuries, headaches or migraines, asthma and irritable bowel syndrome. DID is found in a variety of cultures around the world. It is diagnosed three to nine times more often in adult females than males. Females average 15 or more identities, males eight identities. The sharp rise in the reported cases of DID in the U.S. may be due the greater awareness of DID's diagnosis, which has caused an increased identification of those that were previously undiagnosed. Others believe it has been overdiagnosed in those that are highly suggestible. The average time period from DID's first presentation of symptoms to its diagnosis is six to seven years. DID may become less manifest as patients reach past their late 40's, but it can reemerge during stress, trauma or substance abuse. It is suggested in several studies that DID is more likely to occur with first-degree biological relatives of people that already have DID, than in the regular population.
Monday, June 2, 2008
June 2, 2008
Today I feel better, but I feel strange. I feel like sometimes I am not inhabiting my own body. Though I understand that this is disassociation and that I am alter inside someone else, it's not a comfortable feeling. I also don't really know enough about myself to tell our main personality who I am.
She keeps thinking that she is sad and confused, but I think it's really me and I'm sorry but I don't really know how to stop it. Maybe I should try to think about what I remember. I think I am young, younger than her. I think that I am about 12 or 13 I think. Though I feel pretty mature for that age. I think I came when she was only 6. So I must have been thinking I was pretty tough being so much older. I think I came to protect her. I feel like I still need too, but now she is older than me.
But back then I was a protector and I am a boy even though she is a girl. I know they have know about me for awhile, but I never really said anything that needed to be said before you know. I did some of the hard jobs, keeping everyone safe, but I haven't had that job for a long time since she's got a couple grown up girl protectors now. They think I have some memories that no one else really has and that I need to tell about them and let them go. So I can stop making her feel weird. I don't mean to make her feel weird. She's kind of like my little sister you know? I want to protect her for always. But I know I really don't need to anymore and that I am pretty much out of a job now!
So I guess I will tell what I know and then I can stop bothering her. I mean making her feel weird. I know she doesn't think we are a bother. Man I would. I would hate to have all these people inside me like a big weird crazy family. I mean, it probably wouldn't be so bad except when we come out and she doesn't know it. That must be weird.
Lee
She keeps thinking that she is sad and confused, but I think it's really me and I'm sorry but I don't really know how to stop it. Maybe I should try to think about what I remember. I think I am young, younger than her. I think that I am about 12 or 13 I think. Though I feel pretty mature for that age. I think I came when she was only 6. So I must have been thinking I was pretty tough being so much older. I think I came to protect her. I feel like I still need too, but now she is older than me.
But back then I was a protector and I am a boy even though she is a girl. I know they have know about me for awhile, but I never really said anything that needed to be said before you know. I did some of the hard jobs, keeping everyone safe, but I haven't had that job for a long time since she's got a couple grown up girl protectors now. They think I have some memories that no one else really has and that I need to tell about them and let them go. So I can stop making her feel weird. I don't mean to make her feel weird. She's kind of like my little sister you know? I want to protect her for always. But I know I really don't need to anymore and that I am pretty much out of a job now!
So I guess I will tell what I know and then I can stop bothering her. I mean making her feel weird. I know she doesn't think we are a bother. Man I would. I would hate to have all these people inside me like a big weird crazy family. I mean, it probably wouldn't be so bad except when we come out and she doesn't know it. That must be weird.
Lee
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
What Do I Do With Parts Who Don't Want to Get With the Program?
We have had quite a few alters that don't want to get with the program. Try to understand that these poor parts are just stuck in the past. They think the bad guys were right, they might even still love them in some way, or they may just be stuck in a bubble of pain. Try to gently explain to them that things are different now. If you know your ISH, try to get her/it to help orient these parts. Often times they just need some kindness to come around. Then you will need to make positive ways for them to communicate with you. Whatever works for you/them, but they need to communicate or they will do things at inapropriate times.
Causing havoc at bad times is just they way they are choosing to communicate now.We use journals, art, conferences, email, notes, walking conference outside where people can actually talk outloud. (Yeah people driving by know I'm talking to myself. Who cares?) Different things work for differnt people. Some of my people like to take pictures and play with photoshop. I think they are still trying to figure out how to make photo collages, but hey, they are happy and it doesn't do any harm, as long as I have time.
So whatever works for you and them.
If all else fails, ask them. Maybe they are with the program, it just doesn't agree with yours. Try to find a compromise and above all, let them be themselves. Just because they are part of you, doesn't mean they will be the SAME as you. In fact, most will be quite different from you. Does this mean they are wrong? Not at all. Are all your friends clones of you? No, but you value them for their differences.
Causing havoc at bad times is just they way they are choosing to communicate now.We use journals, art, conferences, email, notes, walking conference outside where people can actually talk outloud. (Yeah people driving by know I'm talking to myself. Who cares?) Different things work for differnt people. Some of my people like to take pictures and play with photoshop. I think they are still trying to figure out how to make photo collages, but hey, they are happy and it doesn't do any harm, as long as I have time.
So whatever works for you and them.
If all else fails, ask them. Maybe they are with the program, it just doesn't agree with yours. Try to find a compromise and above all, let them be themselves. Just because they are part of you, doesn't mean they will be the SAME as you. In fact, most will be quite different from you. Does this mean they are wrong? Not at all. Are all your friends clones of you? No, but you value them for their differences.
IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DID AND MUTLIPLE PERSONALITIES?
Usually what comes to people's minds when they hear the term split or multiple personalities is either the tale of Jekyll and Hyde, Sybil, or a schizophrenic (for many years schizophrenia was called split personality and that multiples were in fact only suffering from a type of schizophrenia) . But being split and being multiple are they the same thing or are there marked differences between the two? Is there indeed a difference between Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)?
The DSM IV no longer makes a distinction and its definition and criteria for those to be diagnosed as DID leave no room for those who are merely split or whose alternative personalities first come into existence beyond early childhood. People like the fictional Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and the real live cases of Reverend Ansel Bourne, Miss Beauchamp, and Mary Reynolds, whose personality was split into two distinct separate identities. Are these individual's conditions put under some other label then DID elsewhere in the DSM IV or is their existence merely ignored? What of those who are at that point where there is all these new behaviors, attitudes, voices inside but no distinct switching as yet, least known to the one who is seeking help?
I began researching DID to learn more as I am one of those "alternative identities" or alters and became the "host" of this multiple system, that is the one personality who has control of the physical body the majority of the time. Not only did I read medical articles and books related to psychology and early childhood trauma, I read the real life stories of multiples and watched many movies which were fictional depictions of multiple personalities or a dramatization of a multiple's true story. Many of these movies I found were not of multiples as I knew multiples to be, that is of an individual having 2 or more alternative personalities along with a main or "original" personality and as the criteria in the DSM IV requires for DID. Mostly they were about individuals who under extreme stress or trauma split into two personalities at some point in their lives.
I was curious. What was the difference between a split personality and a multiple personality? What really was DID and is the definition and criteria in the DSM IV misleading and too vague? What does that mean for those who may have formed DID later on in childhood or even in adulthood? How does this affect those who are multiples and how they are treated by professionals?
Dissociation is an interruption of an individual's fundamental aspects of waking consciousness. Everyone at some time feels a separation from themselves and what is going on around them, entering a daydream like state, or when driving down a very familiar stretch of road suddenly arriving at their destination without remembering how they got there. A Dissociative Disorder is when these periods of dissociation are prolonged, frequent, and interfere with the normal function of living, like work, school, or family responsibilities. The dissociation associated with a disorder is a coping mechanism to deal with a situation or experience which is too traumatic or stressful for the individual to integrate with his conscious self. The usually integrative functions of consciousness, memory, identity, and perception are therefore interrupted. This manifests itself in many disorders including Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsiv e Disorder, Panic or Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and at the most extreme what the DSM now calls Dissociative Identity Disorder. All these are disorders of identity caused by dissociation in a way. It is quite common for an individual to be diagnosed with having one or more of these other disorders before a diagnosis of DID is made. That makes sense since these individuals would first have the manifestation of symptoms of dissociation which can clearly be seen before the revealing of separate identities, which is not always so easily seen especially at first.
Every human being has two aspects to themselves. First is the Archaic or Emotional Self, raw and unadapted to society, the infantile state we are born into. Second is the Modern or Intellectual Self, formed and adapted to society, rules of conduct, maturity and reason which develop as we grow and learn. With DID as well as MPD these two aspects of self, instead of working together, separate. The Intellectual Self helps hide and protect the Emotional Self by becoming an Internal Self Helper (ISH). The ISH creates alters who are designed and programmed to perform a specific task in order to insure the survival of the Original Personality. The executive function of the body is in the hands of the ISH and these alters, usually with one alter acting as a "host" and others coming forward to perform their specific tasks as needed. There are main criteria separating DID from MPD. For someone with DID the trauma first occurs after age 7. This is believed to be the age when through schooling and parenting a child's Intellectual Self starts to work with the Emotional Self. Enough knowledge has been gained to start regulating behaviors, adapting to what is expected from the child by those around him as well as an awareness of a bigger world. The abuse experienced can be from anyone, not necessarily a family member. The trauma experienced is usually not lasting, that is it occurs for a relative short period of time, and is not life-threatening. For someone with MPD however a life- threatening, or what is perceived by the child to be life-threatening, trauma first occurs before the age of 7 and is of a continual nature, leaving the child in a perpetual state of stress. The child has an inherited trait of having a Grade V Hypnotizable Emotional Self. Don't let the word hypnotize fool you. It doesn't mean that this person is highly suggestible or easily manipulated. It means that this person is highly sensitive to the emotional state of those around them, empathetic, able to read mannerisms, has some psychic ability to read people's auras and energy, has a high suspension of disbelief and can become absorbed in a book, movie, ect as if they are a part of it, yet know that it is only make believe. There is a polarization of parents, where one is good the other bad. These roles may shift, however usually one parent is the primary abuser and the other parent does not rescue the child. The non-abusive parent may indeed help the abuser by blaming the child for the abuse or drawing attention to the child instead of taking personal responsibility. The child is blamed for the abuse by both parents, whether directly with words or indirectly by lack of protecting action, and believes that they deserve it.
Lastly there is a polarization of siblings. This child is the only one in the family being abused or abused to that extent. The child is seen as "different" from the rest, set apart by the whole family, and therefore "deserves" the abuse. There is no recourse for the child but to go within. There is no safety, no help. They are on their own in a highly stressful painful environment with no escape but what they can create for themselves in order to survive.
Which one a person has, DID or MPD, would affect the treatment techniques and options used by professionals and the individual himself. Medications can help manage some of the symptoms of post traumatic stress and depression which is common to both as well as any physical or mental illnesses each individual alter may have, for even though part of one system in one body each has their own unique physiology. A lot of medications have multiple uses so one medication can be a benefit to many in a multiple system, even if they have different problems or to differing degrees.
Talk therapy and psychotherapy can help come to terms with traumas and their effects on self and world view, learn coping skills to deal with emotions and stress, replace negative messages with more positive, realistic, and healthy messages. Therapists are meant as guides. It is a tangled wilderness one walks through to heal and having an outside observer can help see things in a different manner, get a bigger picture.
Support groups can help build connections and understanding with others experiencing the same thing. It is important to find a group which is honest as well as supportive and the individual feels comfortable in. It might be beneficial to be in several groups dealing with separate issues. Groups can also be a positive, less vulnerable environment to develop social skills and how to handle that truth that you can change yourself but not anyone else.
Self-educating is another piece of the pie towards healing and recovery, recovery meaning regaining a measure of control over one's life and being. Ignorance is not bliss. It is important to understand whatever illness affects you and those you love. That knowledge gives an individual a measure of power and confidence so that he can be responsible for his life and for managing his illness. We are the ones who live it, whether DID, MPD or something else. We are responsible for what we do with our lives now, even if we had no control over what happened before. We live in both that past and the present at the same time. The line between is hazy and often nonexistent. As we deal with that past we must strive to engage also in living today, hobbies, friends, family, work or school. Our reality is different but it is our reality. It is our choice who and what we surround ourselves with that best helps us along this journey.
Written by Fenix Rose
The DSM IV no longer makes a distinction and its definition and criteria for those to be diagnosed as DID leave no room for those who are merely split or whose alternative personalities first come into existence beyond early childhood. People like the fictional Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and the real live cases of Reverend Ansel Bourne, Miss Beauchamp, and Mary Reynolds, whose personality was split into two distinct separate identities. Are these individual's conditions put under some other label then DID elsewhere in the DSM IV or is their existence merely ignored? What of those who are at that point where there is all these new behaviors, attitudes, voices inside but no distinct switching as yet, least known to the one who is seeking help?
I began researching DID to learn more as I am one of those "alternative identities" or alters and became the "host" of this multiple system, that is the one personality who has control of the physical body the majority of the time. Not only did I read medical articles and books related to psychology and early childhood trauma, I read the real life stories of multiples and watched many movies which were fictional depictions of multiple personalities or a dramatization of a multiple's true story. Many of these movies I found were not of multiples as I knew multiples to be, that is of an individual having 2 or more alternative personalities along with a main or "original" personality and as the criteria in the DSM IV requires for DID. Mostly they were about individuals who under extreme stress or trauma split into two personalities at some point in their lives.
I was curious. What was the difference between a split personality and a multiple personality? What really was DID and is the definition and criteria in the DSM IV misleading and too vague? What does that mean for those who may have formed DID later on in childhood or even in adulthood? How does this affect those who are multiples and how they are treated by professionals?
Dissociation is an interruption of an individual's fundamental aspects of waking consciousness. Everyone at some time feels a separation from themselves and what is going on around them, entering a daydream like state, or when driving down a very familiar stretch of road suddenly arriving at their destination without remembering how they got there. A Dissociative Disorder is when these periods of dissociation are prolonged, frequent, and interfere with the normal function of living, like work, school, or family responsibilities. The dissociation associated with a disorder is a coping mechanism to deal with a situation or experience which is too traumatic or stressful for the individual to integrate with his conscious self. The usually integrative functions of consciousness, memory, identity, and perception are therefore interrupted. This manifests itself in many disorders including Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsiv e Disorder, Panic or Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and at the most extreme what the DSM now calls Dissociative Identity Disorder. All these are disorders of identity caused by dissociation in a way. It is quite common for an individual to be diagnosed with having one or more of these other disorders before a diagnosis of DID is made. That makes sense since these individuals would first have the manifestation of symptoms of dissociation which can clearly be seen before the revealing of separate identities, which is not always so easily seen especially at first.
Every human being has two aspects to themselves. First is the Archaic or Emotional Self, raw and unadapted to society, the infantile state we are born into. Second is the Modern or Intellectual Self, formed and adapted to society, rules of conduct, maturity and reason which develop as we grow and learn. With DID as well as MPD these two aspects of self, instead of working together, separate. The Intellectual Self helps hide and protect the Emotional Self by becoming an Internal Self Helper (ISH). The ISH creates alters who are designed and programmed to perform a specific task in order to insure the survival of the Original Personality. The executive function of the body is in the hands of the ISH and these alters, usually with one alter acting as a "host" and others coming forward to perform their specific tasks as needed. There are main criteria separating DID from MPD. For someone with DID the trauma first occurs after age 7. This is believed to be the age when through schooling and parenting a child's Intellectual Self starts to work with the Emotional Self. Enough knowledge has been gained to start regulating behaviors, adapting to what is expected from the child by those around him as well as an awareness of a bigger world. The abuse experienced can be from anyone, not necessarily a family member. The trauma experienced is usually not lasting, that is it occurs for a relative short period of time, and is not life-threatening. For someone with MPD however a life- threatening, or what is perceived by the child to be life-threatening, trauma first occurs before the age of 7 and is of a continual nature, leaving the child in a perpetual state of stress. The child has an inherited trait of having a Grade V Hypnotizable Emotional Self. Don't let the word hypnotize fool you. It doesn't mean that this person is highly suggestible or easily manipulated. It means that this person is highly sensitive to the emotional state of those around them, empathetic, able to read mannerisms, has some psychic ability to read people's auras and energy, has a high suspension of disbelief and can become absorbed in a book, movie, ect as if they are a part of it, yet know that it is only make believe. There is a polarization of parents, where one is good the other bad. These roles may shift, however usually one parent is the primary abuser and the other parent does not rescue the child. The non-abusive parent may indeed help the abuser by blaming the child for the abuse or drawing attention to the child instead of taking personal responsibility. The child is blamed for the abuse by both parents, whether directly with words or indirectly by lack of protecting action, and believes that they deserve it.
Lastly there is a polarization of siblings. This child is the only one in the family being abused or abused to that extent. The child is seen as "different" from the rest, set apart by the whole family, and therefore "deserves" the abuse. There is no recourse for the child but to go within. There is no safety, no help. They are on their own in a highly stressful painful environment with no escape but what they can create for themselves in order to survive.
Which one a person has, DID or MPD, would affect the treatment techniques and options used by professionals and the individual himself. Medications can help manage some of the symptoms of post traumatic stress and depression which is common to both as well as any physical or mental illnesses each individual alter may have, for even though part of one system in one body each has their own unique physiology. A lot of medications have multiple uses so one medication can be a benefit to many in a multiple system, even if they have different problems or to differing degrees.
Talk therapy and psychotherapy can help come to terms with traumas and their effects on self and world view, learn coping skills to deal with emotions and stress, replace negative messages with more positive, realistic, and healthy messages. Therapists are meant as guides. It is a tangled wilderness one walks through to heal and having an outside observer can help see things in a different manner, get a bigger picture.
Support groups can help build connections and understanding with others experiencing the same thing. It is important to find a group which is honest as well as supportive and the individual feels comfortable in. It might be beneficial to be in several groups dealing with separate issues. Groups can also be a positive, less vulnerable environment to develop social skills and how to handle that truth that you can change yourself but not anyone else.
Self-educating is another piece of the pie towards healing and recovery, recovery meaning regaining a measure of control over one's life and being. Ignorance is not bliss. It is important to understand whatever illness affects you and those you love. That knowledge gives an individual a measure of power and confidence so that he can be responsible for his life and for managing his illness. We are the ones who live it, whether DID, MPD or something else. We are responsible for what we do with our lives now, even if we had no control over what happened before. We live in both that past and the present at the same time. The line between is hazy and often nonexistent. As we deal with that past we must strive to engage also in living today, hobbies, friends, family, work or school. Our reality is different but it is our reality. It is our choice who and what we surround ourselves with that best helps us along this journey.
Written by Fenix Rose
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