June 2, 2008

Today I feel better, but I feel strange. I feel like sometimes I am not inhabiting my own body. Though I understand that this is disassociation and that I am alter inside someone else, it's not a comfortable feeling. I also don't really know enough about myself to tell our main personality who I am.

She keeps thinking that she is sad and confused, but I think it's really me and I'm sorry but I don't really know how to stop it. Maybe I should try to think about what I remember. I think I am young, younger than her. I think that I am about 12 or 13 I think. Though I feel pretty mature for that age. I think I came when she was only 6. So I must have been thinking I was pretty tough being so much older. I think I came to protect her. I feel like I still need too, but now she is older than me.

But back then I was a protector and I am a boy even though she is a girl. I know they have know about me for awhile, but I never really said anything that needed to be said before you know. I did some of the hard jobs, keeping everyone safe, but I haven't had that job for a long time since she's got a couple grown up girl protectors now. They think I have some memories that no one else really has and that I need to tell about them and let them go. So I can stop making her feel weird. I don't mean to make her feel weird. She's kind of like my little sister you know? I want to protect her for always. But I know I really don't need to anymore and that I am pretty much out of a job now!

So I guess I will tell what I know and then I can stop bothering her. I mean making her feel weird. I know she doesn't think we are a bother. Man I would. I would hate to have all these people inside me like a big weird crazy family. I mean, it probably wouldn't be so bad except when we come out and she doesn't know it. That must be weird.

Lee