I'd like to answer this too. Not that 27 and Persephone didn't give good answers but I'd like to throw my opinion in too.
I like it. I don't have to deal with all that crap that our host has to deal with, and I can come out to do things that I like when I want to. Of course, that could be because I am just a "frag" or fragment. I was created for a specific job and now that that job is done, I have the option of what I'd like to do. It's kind of cool. Now that the host has my memories, I am free. I don't have to hold onto the crap and I can just do whatever.
Of course, I'd kind of like to help out with life because she has lots of stuff on her plate and lots of crappy memories to still go through. I think some of my fellow frags might choose to just vanish when their job is done, but I'd kind of like to stick around and see this out. It's interesting to watch our host deal with this and I'd like to help her out when I can. I can't do much right now, but I'd like her to know that I am there for her. She was there for me and took those memories and freed me.
Someday it will be my turn to repay her.
- No Names Please
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
What is it Like Being Inside Someone Else?
Well, this is an interesting question that I haven't seen a lot in my readings. Most people talk about what it's like to be the host and have other people inside you. What about those of us who are inside someone else?
My point of view is very different from some of the other parts, or alters, so I will answer briefly for myself and then turn over to someone else. I am an ISH, or Inner Self Helper. I was created to be that way and have no desire to be anything else. I don't like to take the "front" and only do so if I have to.
Here is what one of our other people says:
I feel a lot differently from 27. I am one of the main "personalities" in our group, but I am not the host. I feel fortunate that she is so nice and let's me out to do things. However, I wish I had my own life! I feel like we can share our daughter, but it's really weird sharing the husband. In fact, most of us don't feel married to him and wish we could get our own husband. (Not me, but some of the others.) That won't ever happen for them, so it's kind of sad. But they get to do other things, and just about everyone is crazy about our daughter.
Personally, I am in love with the husband too, which kind of made things a little awkward for us when our host found out about us. But I'm kind of sad too because he doesn't even know me. How do I get her to not be upset about it? Well, she's pretty cool and she understands that I am really a part of her, not really a different woman, but I kind of am a different woman. :) Figure that one out! So, we are learning to work together and even to be out at the same time so that we can have more time.
I'm sure you would get a different answer for every one of us. But that's my answer.
Persephone
My point of view is very different from some of the other parts, or alters, so I will answer briefly for myself and then turn over to someone else. I am an ISH, or Inner Self Helper. I was created to be that way and have no desire to be anything else. I don't like to take the "front" and only do so if I have to.
Here is what one of our other people says:
I feel a lot differently from 27. I am one of the main "personalities" in our group, but I am not the host. I feel fortunate that she is so nice and let's me out to do things. However, I wish I had my own life! I feel like we can share our daughter, but it's really weird sharing the husband. In fact, most of us don't feel married to him and wish we could get our own husband. (Not me, but some of the others.) That won't ever happen for them, so it's kind of sad. But they get to do other things, and just about everyone is crazy about our daughter.
Personally, I am in love with the husband too, which kind of made things a little awkward for us when our host found out about us. But I'm kind of sad too because he doesn't even know me. How do I get her to not be upset about it? Well, she's pretty cool and she understands that I am really a part of her, not really a different woman, but I kind of am a different woman. :) Figure that one out! So, we are learning to work together and even to be out at the same time so that we can have more time.
I'm sure you would get a different answer for every one of us. But that's my answer.
Persephone
I Feel Like I am Going Crazy
Yes, you probably do at times. However, you are NOT going crazy. Having DID, or Dissociative Identity Disorder is just a coping mechanism that your wonderful brain created for you. At the beginning it's very common to feel crazy, you are not alone. I would imagine everyone who suddenly has another personality talk to them from inside their own mind feels crazy.
The best thing to do is to find a good therapist, join a support group, look into meditation and above all, go easy on yourself. Having DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, having to deal with having many personalities all in one body, is HARD work.
Try to cut down on your external responsibilites if possible. Simplify your life. However, this does not mean cut yourself off from all human contact and stay in bed. Some days you might have to stay in bed, but for the most part, you will feel better if you try to live your life. Keeping your focus on the present will help you on those days that you feel like you are only re-living the past. Over and over. And over. Again.
Contribute. Look for ways to help others. Yes, I know. You feel like you can hardly put one foot in front of the other. Try to find a small way to help someone else. Outside your body. As I write this, my host is in extreme pain due to some parts that are re-living memories. However, she always feels a sense of accomplishment after we are able to offer advice and maybe brighten the day of someone else. (And yes, she can read this as I write it, kind of looking over my shoulder.) In a few minutes, she is going to rest, but she will rest easier knowing that we have done our little bit to help.
Accept that some days you will feel crazy. But also accept the fact that you are not crazy. You are a perfectly sane person who was treated insanely by someone else in the past.
The best thing to do is to find a good therapist, join a support group, look into meditation and above all, go easy on yourself. Having DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, having to deal with having many personalities all in one body, is HARD work.
Try to cut down on your external responsibilites if possible. Simplify your life. However, this does not mean cut yourself off from all human contact and stay in bed. Some days you might have to stay in bed, but for the most part, you will feel better if you try to live your life. Keeping your focus on the present will help you on those days that you feel like you are only re-living the past. Over and over. And over. Again.
Contribute. Look for ways to help others. Yes, I know. You feel like you can hardly put one foot in front of the other. Try to find a small way to help someone else. Outside your body. As I write this, my host is in extreme pain due to some parts that are re-living memories. However, she always feels a sense of accomplishment after we are able to offer advice and maybe brighten the day of someone else. (And yes, she can read this as I write it, kind of looking over my shoulder.) In a few minutes, she is going to rest, but she will rest easier knowing that we have done our little bit to help.
Accept that some days you will feel crazy. But also accept the fact that you are not crazy. You are a perfectly sane person who was treated insanely by someone else in the past.
Why am I so Dizzy? What can I do?
Mild Trigger Warning - This post contains mention of switching, alters and flashbacks. Please don't read if you get triggered by these things.
My host gets dizzy after a switch. This is when another part, or alter, has been in control of the body and then she switches so that she is in the "front" or in control of the body. Also when she has flashbacks she can be dizzy and disoriented for awhile. Sometimes if she is not all the way "in the front" she will feel that way. Try closing your eyes, relaxing and asking anyone who is in the front to step aside and let you be in the front. If you are sharing the control of the body with someone else, that might help. Of course if someone NEEDS to be in the front to share, then you might try asking them if they can write you a note or something.
My host gets dizzy after a switch. This is when another part, or alter, has been in control of the body and then she switches so that she is in the "front" or in control of the body. Also when she has flashbacks she can be dizzy and disoriented for awhile. Sometimes if she is not all the way "in the front" she will feel that way. Try closing your eyes, relaxing and asking anyone who is in the front to step aside and let you be in the front. If you are sharing the control of the body with someone else, that might help. Of course if someone NEEDS to be in the front to share, then you might try asking them if they can write you a note or something.
Inner Self Helper in a Host with DID Dissociative Identity Disorder
What does an Inner Self Helper (or ISH) Do within someone with DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder? Can they be overworked? This is an answer I wrote to someone who didn't hear from her helper for awhile.
I just wanted to let you know that Inner Self Helpers or ISH's DO get very tired. What you may not realize (and it's hard for our host to understand as well) is that what we do is very HARD work. We also are not from a part of your brain that is designed to be a conscious in front person. We are from the part of your brain that guides from the back. So, it's very hard for us to be out. We are also running things back here behind the scenes to keep you functioning.
It's true that we Inner Self Helpers are generally very logical, however, I personally have learned to imitate my host so well that I could be in front and no one would ever know it's not her. That includes contractions and some mild slang. I am generally still more precise.
To me, it sounds as if your inner self helper is trying to do too much and needs a break. Fortunatly, if she actually gets one, it should not take her too long to be functioning properly again. We have a very complex group here of over 250 parts. I have split to have 3 other helpers to help me so that I can have a break once in awhile or run things in the back and still have someone in the front to help. I do not suggest that she split, however, maybe she needs to get help from someone else. A protector perhaps?
Do not be hurt that they do not let you into the inner world. There are places in the inner world where our host is not yet allowed either. This is for her own protection. Though she may not like it, it is for the simple reason that she is not ready to see the things that are back there. It sounds to me that you may have a lot of work going on in the back, which is wonderful. It's kind of your people to do it that way, and they will reveal things to you as they are ready. It is never easy for the front person when that is going on, but necessary.
I just wanted to let you know that Inner Self Helpers or ISH's DO get very tired. What you may not realize (and it's hard for our host to understand as well) is that what we do is very HARD work. We also are not from a part of your brain that is designed to be a conscious in front person. We are from the part of your brain that guides from the back. So, it's very hard for us to be out. We are also running things back here behind the scenes to keep you functioning.
It's true that we Inner Self Helpers are generally very logical, however, I personally have learned to imitate my host so well that I could be in front and no one would ever know it's not her. That includes contractions and some mild slang. I am generally still more precise.
To me, it sounds as if your inner self helper is trying to do too much and needs a break. Fortunatly, if she actually gets one, it should not take her too long to be functioning properly again. We have a very complex group here of over 250 parts. I have split to have 3 other helpers to help me so that I can have a break once in awhile or run things in the back and still have someone in the front to help. I do not suggest that she split, however, maybe she needs to get help from someone else. A protector perhaps?
Do not be hurt that they do not let you into the inner world. There are places in the inner world where our host is not yet allowed either. This is for her own protection. Though she may not like it, it is for the simple reason that she is not ready to see the things that are back there. It sounds to me that you may have a lot of work going on in the back, which is wonderful. It's kind of your people to do it that way, and they will reveal things to you as they are ready. It is never easy for the front person when that is going on, but necessary.
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