We have had quite a few alters that don't want to get with the program. Try to understand that these poor parts are just stuck in the past. They think the bad guys were right, they might even still love them in some way, or they may just be stuck in a bubble of pain. Try to gently explain to them that things are different now. If you know your ISH, try to get her/it to help orient these parts. Often times they just need some kindness to come around. Then you will need to make positive ways for them to communicate with you. Whatever works for you/them, but they need to communicate or they will do things at inapropriate times.
Causing havoc at bad times is just they way they are choosing to communicate now.We use journals, art, conferences, email, notes, walking conference outside where people can actually talk outloud. (Yeah people driving by know I'm talking to myself. Who cares?) Different things work for differnt people. Some of my people like to take pictures and play with photoshop. I think they are still trying to figure out how to make photo collages, but hey, they are happy and it doesn't do any harm, as long as I have time.
So whatever works for you and them.
If all else fails, ask them. Maybe they are with the program, it just doesn't agree with yours. Try to find a compromise and above all, let them be themselves. Just because they are part of you, doesn't mean they will be the SAME as you. In fact, most will be quite different from you. Does this mean they are wrong? Not at all. Are all your friends clones of you? No, but you value them for their differences.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
How Do I Know if I am the Main Person?
That 's a good question. You could probably ask your ISH (Inner Self Helper) if you are the main host, but you can have more than one host and not even know it. (This happened with us) I had no knowledge that I wasn't the main host until they knew I was ready for it. So my advice would be that if you are wondering ask, maybe you are ready to know how you fit in the big picture. Once I found out I wasn't the main host, I met her and then we m*rged, so it turned out good. I don't know how many parts you have, but in a smaller system I would imagine you wouldn't need so many hosts as us. (We had over 300 parts)
IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DID AND MUTLIPLE PERSONALITIES?
Usually what comes to people's minds when they hear the term split or multiple personalities is either the tale of Jekyll and Hyde, Sybil, or a schizophrenic (for many years schizophrenia was called split personality and that multiples were in fact only suffering from a type of schizophrenia) . But being split and being multiple are they the same thing or are there marked differences between the two? Is there indeed a difference between Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)?
The DSM IV no longer makes a distinction and its definition and criteria for those to be diagnosed as DID leave no room for those who are merely split or whose alternative personalities first come into existence beyond early childhood. People like the fictional Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and the real live cases of Reverend Ansel Bourne, Miss Beauchamp, and Mary Reynolds, whose personality was split into two distinct separate identities. Are these individual's conditions put under some other label then DID elsewhere in the DSM IV or is their existence merely ignored? What of those who are at that point where there is all these new behaviors, attitudes, voices inside but no distinct switching as yet, least known to the one who is seeking help?
I began researching DID to learn more as I am one of those "alternative identities" or alters and became the "host" of this multiple system, that is the one personality who has control of the physical body the majority of the time. Not only did I read medical articles and books related to psychology and early childhood trauma, I read the real life stories of multiples and watched many movies which were fictional depictions of multiple personalities or a dramatization of a multiple's true story. Many of these movies I found were not of multiples as I knew multiples to be, that is of an individual having 2 or more alternative personalities along with a main or "original" personality and as the criteria in the DSM IV requires for DID. Mostly they were about individuals who under extreme stress or trauma split into two personalities at some point in their lives.
I was curious. What was the difference between a split personality and a multiple personality? What really was DID and is the definition and criteria in the DSM IV misleading and too vague? What does that mean for those who may have formed DID later on in childhood or even in adulthood? How does this affect those who are multiples and how they are treated by professionals?
Dissociation is an interruption of an individual's fundamental aspects of waking consciousness. Everyone at some time feels a separation from themselves and what is going on around them, entering a daydream like state, or when driving down a very familiar stretch of road suddenly arriving at their destination without remembering how they got there. A Dissociative Disorder is when these periods of dissociation are prolonged, frequent, and interfere with the normal function of living, like work, school, or family responsibilities. The dissociation associated with a disorder is a coping mechanism to deal with a situation or experience which is too traumatic or stressful for the individual to integrate with his conscious self. The usually integrative functions of consciousness, memory, identity, and perception are therefore interrupted. This manifests itself in many disorders including Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsiv e Disorder, Panic or Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and at the most extreme what the DSM now calls Dissociative Identity Disorder. All these are disorders of identity caused by dissociation in a way. It is quite common for an individual to be diagnosed with having one or more of these other disorders before a diagnosis of DID is made. That makes sense since these individuals would first have the manifestation of symptoms of dissociation which can clearly be seen before the revealing of separate identities, which is not always so easily seen especially at first.
Every human being has two aspects to themselves. First is the Archaic or Emotional Self, raw and unadapted to society, the infantile state we are born into. Second is the Modern or Intellectual Self, formed and adapted to society, rules of conduct, maturity and reason which develop as we grow and learn. With DID as well as MPD these two aspects of self, instead of working together, separate. The Intellectual Self helps hide and protect the Emotional Self by becoming an Internal Self Helper (ISH). The ISH creates alters who are designed and programmed to perform a specific task in order to insure the survival of the Original Personality. The executive function of the body is in the hands of the ISH and these alters, usually with one alter acting as a "host" and others coming forward to perform their specific tasks as needed. There are main criteria separating DID from MPD. For someone with DID the trauma first occurs after age 7. This is believed to be the age when through schooling and parenting a child's Intellectual Self starts to work with the Emotional Self. Enough knowledge has been gained to start regulating behaviors, adapting to what is expected from the child by those around him as well as an awareness of a bigger world. The abuse experienced can be from anyone, not necessarily a family member. The trauma experienced is usually not lasting, that is it occurs for a relative short period of time, and is not life-threatening. For someone with MPD however a life- threatening, or what is perceived by the child to be life-threatening, trauma first occurs before the age of 7 and is of a continual nature, leaving the child in a perpetual state of stress. The child has an inherited trait of having a Grade V Hypnotizable Emotional Self. Don't let the word hypnotize fool you. It doesn't mean that this person is highly suggestible or easily manipulated. It means that this person is highly sensitive to the emotional state of those around them, empathetic, able to read mannerisms, has some psychic ability to read people's auras and energy, has a high suspension of disbelief and can become absorbed in a book, movie, ect as if they are a part of it, yet know that it is only make believe. There is a polarization of parents, where one is good the other bad. These roles may shift, however usually one parent is the primary abuser and the other parent does not rescue the child. The non-abusive parent may indeed help the abuser by blaming the child for the abuse or drawing attention to the child instead of taking personal responsibility. The child is blamed for the abuse by both parents, whether directly with words or indirectly by lack of protecting action, and believes that they deserve it.
Lastly there is a polarization of siblings. This child is the only one in the family being abused or abused to that extent. The child is seen as "different" from the rest, set apart by the whole family, and therefore "deserves" the abuse. There is no recourse for the child but to go within. There is no safety, no help. They are on their own in a highly stressful painful environment with no escape but what they can create for themselves in order to survive.
Which one a person has, DID or MPD, would affect the treatment techniques and options used by professionals and the individual himself. Medications can help manage some of the symptoms of post traumatic stress and depression which is common to both as well as any physical or mental illnesses each individual alter may have, for even though part of one system in one body each has their own unique physiology. A lot of medications have multiple uses so one medication can be a benefit to many in a multiple system, even if they have different problems or to differing degrees.
Talk therapy and psychotherapy can help come to terms with traumas and their effects on self and world view, learn coping skills to deal with emotions and stress, replace negative messages with more positive, realistic, and healthy messages. Therapists are meant as guides. It is a tangled wilderness one walks through to heal and having an outside observer can help see things in a different manner, get a bigger picture.
Support groups can help build connections and understanding with others experiencing the same thing. It is important to find a group which is honest as well as supportive and the individual feels comfortable in. It might be beneficial to be in several groups dealing with separate issues. Groups can also be a positive, less vulnerable environment to develop social skills and how to handle that truth that you can change yourself but not anyone else.
Self-educating is another piece of the pie towards healing and recovery, recovery meaning regaining a measure of control over one's life and being. Ignorance is not bliss. It is important to understand whatever illness affects you and those you love. That knowledge gives an individual a measure of power and confidence so that he can be responsible for his life and for managing his illness. We are the ones who live it, whether DID, MPD or something else. We are responsible for what we do with our lives now, even if we had no control over what happened before. We live in both that past and the present at the same time. The line between is hazy and often nonexistent. As we deal with that past we must strive to engage also in living today, hobbies, friends, family, work or school. Our reality is different but it is our reality. It is our choice who and what we surround ourselves with that best helps us along this journey.
Written by Fenix Rose
The DSM IV no longer makes a distinction and its definition and criteria for those to be diagnosed as DID leave no room for those who are merely split or whose alternative personalities first come into existence beyond early childhood. People like the fictional Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and the real live cases of Reverend Ansel Bourne, Miss Beauchamp, and Mary Reynolds, whose personality was split into two distinct separate identities. Are these individual's conditions put under some other label then DID elsewhere in the DSM IV or is their existence merely ignored? What of those who are at that point where there is all these new behaviors, attitudes, voices inside but no distinct switching as yet, least known to the one who is seeking help?
I began researching DID to learn more as I am one of those "alternative identities" or alters and became the "host" of this multiple system, that is the one personality who has control of the physical body the majority of the time. Not only did I read medical articles and books related to psychology and early childhood trauma, I read the real life stories of multiples and watched many movies which were fictional depictions of multiple personalities or a dramatization of a multiple's true story. Many of these movies I found were not of multiples as I knew multiples to be, that is of an individual having 2 or more alternative personalities along with a main or "original" personality and as the criteria in the DSM IV requires for DID. Mostly they were about individuals who under extreme stress or trauma split into two personalities at some point in their lives.
I was curious. What was the difference between a split personality and a multiple personality? What really was DID and is the definition and criteria in the DSM IV misleading and too vague? What does that mean for those who may have formed DID later on in childhood or even in adulthood? How does this affect those who are multiples and how they are treated by professionals?
Dissociation is an interruption of an individual's fundamental aspects of waking consciousness. Everyone at some time feels a separation from themselves and what is going on around them, entering a daydream like state, or when driving down a very familiar stretch of road suddenly arriving at their destination without remembering how they got there. A Dissociative Disorder is when these periods of dissociation are prolonged, frequent, and interfere with the normal function of living, like work, school, or family responsibilities. The dissociation associated with a disorder is a coping mechanism to deal with a situation or experience which is too traumatic or stressful for the individual to integrate with his conscious self. The usually integrative functions of consciousness, memory, identity, and perception are therefore interrupted. This manifests itself in many disorders including Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsiv e Disorder, Panic or Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and at the most extreme what the DSM now calls Dissociative Identity Disorder. All these are disorders of identity caused by dissociation in a way. It is quite common for an individual to be diagnosed with having one or more of these other disorders before a diagnosis of DID is made. That makes sense since these individuals would first have the manifestation of symptoms of dissociation which can clearly be seen before the revealing of separate identities, which is not always so easily seen especially at first.
Every human being has two aspects to themselves. First is the Archaic or Emotional Self, raw and unadapted to society, the infantile state we are born into. Second is the Modern or Intellectual Self, formed and adapted to society, rules of conduct, maturity and reason which develop as we grow and learn. With DID as well as MPD these two aspects of self, instead of working together, separate. The Intellectual Self helps hide and protect the Emotional Self by becoming an Internal Self Helper (ISH). The ISH creates alters who are designed and programmed to perform a specific task in order to insure the survival of the Original Personality. The executive function of the body is in the hands of the ISH and these alters, usually with one alter acting as a "host" and others coming forward to perform their specific tasks as needed. There are main criteria separating DID from MPD. For someone with DID the trauma first occurs after age 7. This is believed to be the age when through schooling and parenting a child's Intellectual Self starts to work with the Emotional Self. Enough knowledge has been gained to start regulating behaviors, adapting to what is expected from the child by those around him as well as an awareness of a bigger world. The abuse experienced can be from anyone, not necessarily a family member. The trauma experienced is usually not lasting, that is it occurs for a relative short period of time, and is not life-threatening. For someone with MPD however a life- threatening, or what is perceived by the child to be life-threatening, trauma first occurs before the age of 7 and is of a continual nature, leaving the child in a perpetual state of stress. The child has an inherited trait of having a Grade V Hypnotizable Emotional Self. Don't let the word hypnotize fool you. It doesn't mean that this person is highly suggestible or easily manipulated. It means that this person is highly sensitive to the emotional state of those around them, empathetic, able to read mannerisms, has some psychic ability to read people's auras and energy, has a high suspension of disbelief and can become absorbed in a book, movie, ect as if they are a part of it, yet know that it is only make believe. There is a polarization of parents, where one is good the other bad. These roles may shift, however usually one parent is the primary abuser and the other parent does not rescue the child. The non-abusive parent may indeed help the abuser by blaming the child for the abuse or drawing attention to the child instead of taking personal responsibility. The child is blamed for the abuse by both parents, whether directly with words or indirectly by lack of protecting action, and believes that they deserve it.
Lastly there is a polarization of siblings. This child is the only one in the family being abused or abused to that extent. The child is seen as "different" from the rest, set apart by the whole family, and therefore "deserves" the abuse. There is no recourse for the child but to go within. There is no safety, no help. They are on their own in a highly stressful painful environment with no escape but what they can create for themselves in order to survive.
Which one a person has, DID or MPD, would affect the treatment techniques and options used by professionals and the individual himself. Medications can help manage some of the symptoms of post traumatic stress and depression which is common to both as well as any physical or mental illnesses each individual alter may have, for even though part of one system in one body each has their own unique physiology. A lot of medications have multiple uses so one medication can be a benefit to many in a multiple system, even if they have different problems or to differing degrees.
Talk therapy and psychotherapy can help come to terms with traumas and their effects on self and world view, learn coping skills to deal with emotions and stress, replace negative messages with more positive, realistic, and healthy messages. Therapists are meant as guides. It is a tangled wilderness one walks through to heal and having an outside observer can help see things in a different manner, get a bigger picture.
Support groups can help build connections and understanding with others experiencing the same thing. It is important to find a group which is honest as well as supportive and the individual feels comfortable in. It might be beneficial to be in several groups dealing with separate issues. Groups can also be a positive, less vulnerable environment to develop social skills and how to handle that truth that you can change yourself but not anyone else.
Self-educating is another piece of the pie towards healing and recovery, recovery meaning regaining a measure of control over one's life and being. Ignorance is not bliss. It is important to understand whatever illness affects you and those you love. That knowledge gives an individual a measure of power and confidence so that he can be responsible for his life and for managing his illness. We are the ones who live it, whether DID, MPD or something else. We are responsible for what we do with our lives now, even if we had no control over what happened before. We live in both that past and the present at the same time. The line between is hazy and often nonexistent. As we deal with that past we must strive to engage also in living today, hobbies, friends, family, work or school. Our reality is different but it is our reality. It is our choice who and what we surround ourselves with that best helps us along this journey.
Written by Fenix Rose
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
What is it Like Being Inside Someone Else? Con't
Well I hate it. I think it sucks. We can't do anything we want. I suppose that's because the things that I want to do mainly involve self harm or screaming at the husband or getting the hell away from that annoying kid.
I want my own life. If I could, I would erase her memory and just take off. Get a job and make my own friends. I don't have any friends. I am stuck inside her and since I'm not considered to be "nice" I don't get out much. Believe me, I am really cleaning this up in case someone else ever reads it, but I hope I don't offend anyone.
What do you think we do back there ? Some people say they have their own room, that's bull as far as I am concerned. I just hang around in a black hole. Thinking and rethinking about all the crap that put me here in the first place. Not a life I tell you that much.
I want my own life. If I could, I would erase her memory and just take off. Get a job and make my own friends. I don't have any friends. I am stuck inside her and since I'm not considered to be "nice" I don't get out much. Believe me, I am really cleaning this up in case someone else ever reads it, but I hope I don't offend anyone.
What do you think we do back there ? Some people say they have their own room, that's bull as far as I am concerned. I just hang around in a black hole. Thinking and rethinking about all the crap that put me here in the first place. Not a life I tell you that much.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)